What exactly is my problem? I go for guys who I can't have. I've read enough magazines to know that the psycho babel will pin me down as being a 'commitment phobe'. There might be some truth in that I suppose. In case you're wondering, the problem here is that I fancy a mate of mine who now works with me/for me. He's only been there a week, but already the stretching, revealing just a hint of navel, the flirting and today, to cap it off, the putting his hands in my pockets is driving me totally crazy.
One thing is does prove is that I am not totally incapable of escapades that happen outside of the cyber universe. I can at least console myself in that thought. If I don't do that, I'm going to over-analyse why I'm going after a guy with a live-in relationship. Regardless of the fact that he's not exactly rejecting these physical advances. I get the impression that he's not 100% happy with his situation at the moment but that he's stuck. Or does that just sound like excuses? I made the point today; "why do I always fall for men I can't have?" was the question. "It's just lust." was the reply. I don't know maybe it is. Maybe it is all just physical. But I can't help doubting that. Then again, is it just lust on his part? In which case, I'm setting myself up for another fall. Though maybe I'm doing that anyway.
I wonder if a quiet, straightforward life really does exist or whether its a concept that isn't based in reality. Mine appears to be anything but straightforward. Especially not where I want it the most. I do just want to be with a guy that I can curl up next to. Too much to ask?
Wednesday 5 September 2007
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