implosion and phone calls

Being close to another of my moods, we'll make this brief. I just wanted to mention the man who is after me for phone sex and the one who's blowing hot and cold. It's undoubtedly, in part, my own fault. If I was anywhere approaching normal, there wouldn't be a problem. I'd be able to find myself someone sensible and without baggage. Not to be I suppose.

Remember I told you about strike three from the other day. The guy I like, but with the issues that make me think twice about it? Well it seems that he has interesting kinks. Nothing much wrong with that I don't suppose, but there are limits to what I can reasonably bring myself to do. Phone sex is all very well and good, but has never really done it for me. I don't have the confidence, not to mention the slang vocabulary, to engage in carnal conversations. Plus he's into stuff that can't really be described as vanilla. Wet and messy and we'll leave the rest to your imagination. Still, I like him. He's incredibly cute and, seemingly, a challenging personality to my introverted one. It'd take a lot of work and I'm not sure I'm in the right place for it. Put it on hold for a couple of days at least.

Then there's my friend with benefits. He's moving from very interested and up for it, to quiet yet considerate. He's got something I like to play with and he knows it. No doubt I'll oblige again at some point in the not too distant future. I can't say too much anyway. Being in a relationship himself, I couldn't push anything. It's his problem if he chooses to look elsewhere for his fun and games; trust me, I'm not the only one. Then again, I'm not going to be in a position to precipitate anything. Been there and it doesn't feel great. It's another leave it and see job.

All this means that my levels of frustration are on the increase. I haven't had any physical contact since before Christmas and I'm wondering for how much longer I can last before I let the barriers down again and let go of my standards. My slate of online buddies with any reliable chances is dwindling for the moment. Going to have to get my fun from somewhere.